Archive for the ‘ national ’ Category

I voted Republican and all I got was was this lousy Pence Amendment

Where are the jobs we were promised during the elections? Where is the discussion for jobs? The Repubs capitalized on our fear of never finding a job again. They promised they’d focus the economy and give up the moral values war that’s been falling ever lower on the priority lists of average Americans for years.  And yet now we have the Pence Amendment.

Nevermind that Planned Parenthood already did NOT use federal funds for abortions. They were already prohibited from doing so. This amendment stripped Planned Parenthood of the funding it used to provide contraceptives, STD treatment and screening, and education….with contraception and education being the only ways it is even possible to reduce abortion.

But either way, this is not what people signed up for.


Lance Armstrong’s bike

From CBS13:

Residents are mortified after Lance Armstrong’s time trial bike was stolen in Sacramento, and the famous cyclist is turning to the internet to track down his one-of-a-kind cycle, reports CBS station KOVR-TV in Sacramento.

“I’m a Sacramentan, and it’s very embarrassing and very disappointing,” said Katie Newell.

The Sacramento Police Department has been fielding calls ever since news of the theft made international headlines. “We got calls from as far away as France and the UK,” said Sacramento Police spokesman Konrad Von Shoech.

So it was stolen in Sacramento. But am I the only person who thinks this crime might have been committed by a non-local? Do you know how many obvious out-of-towners were here on Saturday? The SJ Mercury news did a piece on people traveling from all over the country to see Lancey Pants in the flesh. I can and will also personally verify this: there were more European guys in tights in downtown Sac than I have ever seen in one place. While a bike is much harder to conceal, these men are known grape smugglers, a fact I don’t think should be ignored. Leave no stone unturned! I will investigate them myself!

Not only that, but getting your hands on Lance Armstrong’s bike is probably something of a coup de grace, a feat not to be taken likely. Sacramento bike thieves are more garden variety, crackheads-with-garden-shears type. The whole freaking world knew where Lance Armstrong’s bike was that day.

ayers and obama, sittin in a tree…

Bill Ayers gave his first public statement about his “relationship” with Barack Obama on Tuesday. How come nobody mentioned he’s a comedian?

The onetime anti-war radical who lives in the same Chicago neighborhood as Obama said in a newspaper interview he has had no contact with the Obama campaign and considers the GOP vice presidential nominee’s accusation absurd.

“Pal around together? What does that mean? Share a milkshake with two straws?” Ayers said in an interview with The Washington Post.

LOLOLOLOL! Or maybe it means Ayers accidentally pulling the shower curtain open on a soapy Obama. Or Obama and Ayers goofing off at their beer factory job and sticking a rubber glove onto one of the assembly line bottles. Or the two of them unsuccessfully attempting to navigate a revolving door, with hilarious results. Maybe it means ganging up on nerdy younger step-siblings with the squirt gun game at the theme park! Oh the possibilities for pallin’ around are endless, and they are all oh so delightful!

revisiting biden’s debate jab

Last night I rewatched part of the Palin-Biden debate on OnDemand (words cannot describe how much I love OnDemand!!!). I watched it for this part:

BIDEN: Now, with regard to the — to the health care plan, you know, it’s with one hand you giveth, the other you take it. You know how Barack Obama — excuse me, do you know how John McCain pays for his $5,000 tax credit you’re going to get, a family will get?

He taxes as income every one of you out there, every one of you listening who has a health care plan through your employer. That’s how he raises $3.6 trillion, on your — taxing your health care benefit to give you a $5,000 plan, which his Web site points out will go straight to the insurance company.

And then you’re going to have to replace a $12,000 — that’s the average cost of the plan you get through your employer — it costs $12,000. You’re going to have to pay — replace a $12,000 plan, because 20 million of you are going to be dropped. Twenty million of you will be dropped.

So you’re going to have to place — replace a $12,000 plan with a $5,000 check you just give to the insurance company. I call that the ultimate Bridge to Nowhere.

And then he looks over at her and smiles. Good grief!! A collective BOOYAH! swept through the nation. Leading up to the debate there were reports of Biden’s people were telling him to go easy on Palin or risk looking condescending and arrogant. If I was an OBiden advisor, I would’ve said shoot ’em all and let god sort ’em out.

obama’s informercial! as seen on tv! but wait! there’s more!

did anyone notice the first woman’s familys’ “snacks?” she opened the fridge and started pointing out everyone’s shelves. that shit consisted of a dozen eggs, smuckers grape jam and a bottle of tapatio. i guess times is rough! “mom, can i have a smuckers and tapatio sandwich?” “no you have to make it last a week!”

and that couple with the rheumatoid arthritis…i was alright until i saw the man, who had to crawl out of retirement to make ends meet for his gnarled-paw wife, pin on a walmart nametag. it broke my heart like seeing someone kick a dog. you can vow to be as loving as humanly possible to every animal you meet from that point on but people still kick dogs and now you know it.

honestly, i was a bit put off at this cast of characters. i didn’t make beef top ramen, microwave two egg rolls and crack a tsing tao for mortals, you know.

right after the infomercial i switched to msnbc for live coverage of the obama/clinton rally in florida. one of the highlights of his speech was the comment about doctors, nurses, teachers and firefighters doing well. when they do well, we all do well. he got that from bill. and i couldn’t agree more.

i used to scan financial programs for a living. something that always struck me as scary were the quarterly profits. they would always go something like:

[INSERT LARGE COMPANY HERE] fell short of analysts’ expectations for the third quarter by [INSERT RIDICULOUSLY LOW NUMBER THAT BASICALLY AMOUNTS TO 2 FUCKING CENTS A SHARE HERE] percent. [LARGE COMPANY] has stated they will cut [INSERT SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT HERE] jobs.

now, let’s just say this company was…intel. intel’s mythical shareholders are fucking pissed because they lost 2 cents a share this quarter. shareholders are like reverse lobbyists in this way. political action committees give money and expect results. shareholders lose money and expect results. so intel announces it’s gonna cut 1,500 jobs.

this happens over and over again. it grows exponentially. because the more people who lose their jobs or see their pensions revoked, the less they will spend. and a company like intel depends on consumers purchasing the computers that contain their processors. they are now contributing to their own future shoddy earnings that in turn will prompt them to cut more jobs/costs because their fucking shareholders are spoiled, demanding little brats. and when things get shitty enough (as they’ve been lately), those shareholders will just start selling their stock. they will finally experience the fear and uncertainty that have been plaguing the workforce all along.

i believe “top heavy” is a far more accurate description than “trickle down.” catering to the investor class does not work. even when times are good, they do not give back. this theory can now be laid to rest. under the wise tutellage of bush, we metaphorically wrote it a blank check, and now we are writing it an even bigger fucking actual check. something like $700 billion, an amount so large it’s basically imaginary. fucking awesome.

after the rally tonight, tom delay basically called obama a socialist and a communist. first of all, i’ll refrain from ridiculing his credibility (and by doing so, smugly allude to his lack of credibility). but anyway, even if obama was a socialist, what’s the alternative? things go the way they are and we’ll be looking at something far worse. like bread lines and riots and angry proletariat uprisings. i prefer the term interventionist.

SNL mock michelle obama?

Pat Buchanan wonders, what if SNL mocked Michelle Obama? Why haven’t they? A reverse racist liberal media conspiracy, perhaps?

why on earth’s name would SNL mock michelle obama? as far as i know, she hasn’t done anything stupid or ridiculous yet. she hasn’t spent $150,000 on clothing and makeup (in fact, she’s rocked H&M- a huge plus in my book). she hasn’t misquoted and/or misunderstood a myriad of facts on a national platform. she hasn’t tried to can elected officials on behalf of scorned family members. she hasn’t charged the state of illinois for nights spent at home.

the list of things worthy of mockery michelle obama has not done will continue when palin gets her own show on fox news and michelle becomes a quietly dignified first lady and role model.

as far as i know, michelle obama has been an associate at a top-tier law firm, broken fundraising records as executive director of a non-profit, and scaled back on promising administrative positions to be a mother. after she worked/scholarshipped her way through princeton and harvard.

alright i admit that was the readers’ digest condensed version. she’s also articulate, likeable, warm, and possesses awesome politico-wife fashion sense (sorry, but i will just never get over that H&M dress. that store makes me dizzy with anticipation of sensible yet hipsteresque nights on the town. i mean, have you seen their like, 70 jackets for fall? jaysus).

so, pat buchanan…what exactly should SNL mock michelle obama for? my friend, you are an ambulance chaser.